Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
