Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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