I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
NoShamevember. You game?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
