You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
