I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
