I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
