Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
