508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my shit smells like andre
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
