OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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