Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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