don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
