I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
