I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
