make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
