You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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