you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
