meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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