As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I have vodka in my lungs
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
