I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
