i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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