The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
