Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
