what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
