Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
