Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
