Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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