When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
