I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
