The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
