I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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