i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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