just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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