hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
