and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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