Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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