did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
