so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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