she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
