yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
