Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
