Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
