Having a random hookup so left but love u
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
