onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
