And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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