How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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