mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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