I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
