youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am naked and annoyed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
