LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
