Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
God, I missed his penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize