LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
