I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
