bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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