I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
