i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
