Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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