Midget sex pt 2 tonight
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
