The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
