these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
