I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize