Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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