I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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