haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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