somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
