I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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