just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
